Depression Hurts

I personally absolutely HATE that phrase - Depression Hurts. I don't know what kind of depression they get but holy hell, my depression turns me into a dark, cold, desolate pit of nothingness. And tears - lots of tears.

Usually my depression is mostly controlled by my antidepressant, the only chemical pill that I still take daily, but for some reason, well lots of reasons, my depression has been consuming me more and more making it increasingly more difficult to function.

"But you don't have a reason to be depressed" - please don't ever say this to someone who has chronic depression. Believe me, those of us who do, would much rather not have to deal with the unreasonable unprovoked sadness and lack of emotion that comes with depression.

Chronic depression is often provoked by a very real situation, which may or may not be of significant importance to anyone else, but to us it is a huge looming monster that we have to face down in addition to maintaining what is as close to a normal life as we can manage. And yes it's exhausting.

I can usually push my depression into submission by making lists of things that make me smile, doing small pieces if art, or taking my baby girl to the park. For some reason this bout is being harder to shake and is making homework significantly more difficult than normal too. I honestly suspect that it stems from my worry and anxiety about my work situation. I know that all these things will pass and I will find that strength that I keep deep inside to fight through it, but this exact moment...I feel like the Greek Titan Atlas with the weight of the whole world, even if its just my little corner of the world, on my shoulders.

Stay strong and healthy my friends. If you are a friend or family member of an individual with chronic depression, talk to them and learn how it affects them and ways you might be able to help. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to not talk but just offer a genuine hug because that moment of closeness may be all we need to summon our strength and break the bonds of darkness. If you are the sufferer, try taking a short walk, even 10 min in the fresh air can raise your spirits! 

Much love!

Rachel 

Ps - does anyone else find comfort in storms? Sometimes they seem like an external manifestation of my inner feelings. The patter of rain is soothing too...

Oh the Nerve!

Ok, I am pretty sure that in general, we can all agree that Fibromyalgia is a real PAIN!

Today, for whatever odd and infuriating reason, the random nerve pain associated with my case of Fibromyalgia is causing significant issues. I am used to my knees and elbows hurting, especially when the weather is going to change, but today my right foot - just the right one - feel like it has a burn on it and is actually kinda puffy. Unless I managed to put only my right foot on a bed of hot coals while I was sleeping and there are no external indications that I did...I would seriously think that I had if I didn't know better.

While I don't know if there is a specific name for this kind of nerve pain, I will actually experience it in my hands as well. Its always the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands. If I am not putting pressure on them its just a light throbbing tender feeling, but the minute I try to walk or pick up something (heaven forbid it be my coffee mug) the pain becomes scorching and shoots up the limb.

I was diagnosed with Raynaud's Syndrome when I was only 15 and was having surgery on one foot to remove a bone spur but usually that only causes issues with circulation to my hands and feet. While its annoying, I find it amusing too. It will be 100 degrees outside and my hands and feet will be ice cold and purple. Sometimes I get these funky purple blotches on my legs too. It freaks people out, but I have gotten used to it. While I do not have a massive problem with my Raynaud's, I would imagine that because it is a circulatory issue, it would be something to keep an eye on if it persists for long periods. When my feet do get super cold like this I know that circulation is poor so I get up and walk around or massage my feet after putting them in socks. I have had them so cold that it is excruciating to even take a shower! For those who do not have this issue, I would equate the sensation to the way your hands feel after playing or working in the snow for several hours and then putting them in warm water to try warming them up. FIRE!!!

Ok, so now that I have raged about the NERVE my body has to put me through such rediculous pain, I am going to try and finish this homework assignment. Thankfully my hands are working this week!

Rachel

Shout Out!

Hello friends!!!

This is just a quick shout out to recognize the viewers of my blog! I love seeing where all of you are from and knowing that my story is reaching far and wide and hopefully bringing understanding of living with Fibromyalgia and Hope for a Happier an Healthier life! 

So here it goes!

Welcome Russia, the Ukraine, India, Turkey, and Belarus!! (Belarus is new to me so I got to learn a little about your country when I looked up where you were!)

I have a paper to get posted tonight for my Auditing Lab class but I will be back again this weekend! Until then, make it a Happy and Healthy day!

Love Rachel 

A Touch of Humor

Fibromyalgia is a tough thing to deal with and even though these past few weeks have been very tough and I am flaring very badly, I always manage to find something to laugh at.

This morning while I was getting my daughter ready for school I went through every cupboard in the house looking for something to put her cereal in just because I didn't want to wash a bowl. Migraines make me stupid lazy. :) So what do I do? I put it in a coffee mug and put bowls on the shopping list. Hehehe lazy at its best! 

I muddled through a few hours of work but between the migraine and the ADOSSD (attention deficit, Oh something shiny!! disorder) I didn't get nearly as much done as I normally do. But then again, my heart is no longer in my work there. The stress and disorganization, among other things have been getting to me and triggering my flare ups. Taking 3 classes towards my degree isn't helping either but it's only 5 weeks - Army basic was 10 weeks so I can suck it up. (Hey now, I know I didn't have issues with Fibromyalgia then but it was still hard!)

Finding little things, like that pain chart, that make me laugh goes a long way to helping me manage. It's even better when I can find a way to laugh at my situation because it helps me to look at the situation in another way and it loses it's Boogyman status.

Laughter really is the best medicine. So laugh! Even if those around you arnt "in on the joke" sometimes we just have to do what makes us happy! So find a picture, a YouTube movie, or a comedian that you enjoy AND LAUGH!!

Be Happy, Be Healthy!!

Love, Rachel

Winning Look!!

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 rachelpresley@usana.com

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I love humor

BRAINS! I NEED BRAINS!

Hehehe, I love classic zombies. But today, thank you Chronic Fatigue, I feel like the walking dead. I have found that coffee and caffeine do nothing to for the foggy feeling but I always press on - just tend to give people a lot of confused looks and THEN the "Ah Ha!" kicks in. Makes for some interesting days in the office. But hey, they get a laugh and that always makes me feel better too!

With chronic illness of any kind, it is important to maintain a positive outlook no matter how crummy, or in my case stupid, we feel. Often times I have found that just changing my mindset, makes a huge difference in how I feel throughout the day. Our physical health starts with a cognitive desire to make a change. And adding a little humor to a frustrating situation, makes it a little easier to face.

So, find something to laugh at today, and make it the BRAINIEST day ever!

Be Happy, Be Healthy!

Love, Rachel

A Peak at Chronic Fatigue

What an amazing day! I am putting the finishing touches on my final project for my Human Resource Management class, joined the local Fibromyalgia support group for an afternoon of learning and friendship  and then enjoyed a beautiful evening at the park with my daughter and my best friend. While the average person might not see this as a “busy day”, those of us who deal with pain and fatigue fight a daily battle to accomplish the things that must be done and those things that we want to do. I will start by saying that I am flaring and I apologize in advance if this sounds a bit disjointed or less eloquent than many of my other posts. I dedicate this post to my Fibro Fog.

Today at the support group we talked about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the way that it impacts the lives of those who struggle with it. Over the years I have managed to find ways to cope with the pain of my Fibromyalgia but the fatigue and brain fog are often more debilitating than the pain itself. So many times my best friend has told me when we are out that she can see my energy level just bottom out despite my attempts to appear perky and jovial. I will usually admit that it’s like my body is finally giving up and forcing me to stop even when I don’t want to.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is pretty much as it sounds – the feeling of constant fatigue. These symptoms are often brought on by simple, everyday activities and can range from mildly tiring to complete and utter exhaustion that actually inhibits physical activity.  Characterized by severe insomnia and/or un-refreshing sleep, chronic fatigue also tends to increase the frequency and severity of the headaches, muscle and joint pain, and a general feeling of illness.  These symptoms can last anywhere from a few days to months on end and frequently are the cause of Fibro flares, increase depression, and other physical and psychological symptoms.

As I mentioned the brain fog, or impaired memory and ability to form cognitive thoughts, is the most frustrating symptom of chronic fatigue syndrome.  Because I work in a professional field that requires acute attention to detail, I find that the stress associated with my responsibilities cause extreme mental fatigue that actually carries over to my physical abilities.  To combat this and keep it from a affecting my abilities to function, I plan mental breaks in my day in which I physically leave my desk, go outside, and take a few moments to breathe deeply and clear my mind and allow myself and to relax.  By doing this, I am able to focus more clearly on the financials that I deal with on a daily basis and can offer my coworkers better advice because I am in a better frame of mind.

Chronic fatigue is not just physical – it can severely impair mental abilities too.  The best way to combat the effects of chronic fatigue is to get sufficient sleep, learn to pace your activities, and know that it is OK to stop and take a nap, or read a book, or just enjoy the sunset with the mug of soothing tea.  I know that this is hard to do because I will fight the mentality of needing to “keep up with my peers” and be the overactive, hardworking, party on the weekend, soccer mom that many of my friends are.  Let’s face it friends, being us as fibromyalgia fighters, is hard enough – why should we make it any harder by trying to be someone else.  Just thinking about it makes me tired.  It has been a long day, and I am going to sign off by saying: Be Happy, Be Healthy – and don’t let the fatigue get you down!

Rachel